The Shroud of the Gnome|
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|Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009|
|Does anyone have $10?
So that I might buy a bullet and rent a gun? No, seriously folks, unless my new meds start working in the next couple of days it may be a while before you see me on here again. My doctor wants to hospitalize me on account of my lack of mental health and while I weaseled my way out of it (weaseling out of things is what seperates man from the animals...except the weasel) it came with some stipulations. One was immediately finding a psychiatrist. Well, none in the city of Columbus take my insurance or are taking new patients. Meanwhile, I sit here a certifiable threat to myself and others and the threat to myself part keeps getting more intense and the part of me that cares keeps shrinking. Thursday will probably be my threshold day in order to minimize work time missed. If I go in, who knows how long I'll be there. I'd say things will work out in the end, but people familiar enough with me realize that they really don't. Anyway, I'm off to the bed. Just throwing this out here in case a few weeks go by again. If anything serious happens, Gabby will be throwing it up here.
|Saturday, August 29th, 2009|
|This one is for Amy
Scientific American reports that a new device called 'BrainPort' aims to restore the experience of vision for the blind and visually impaired by relying on the nerves on the tongue's surface to send light signals to the brain. BrainPort collects visual data through a small digital video camera and converts the signal into electrical pulses sent to the tongue via a 'lollipop' that sits directly on the tongue, where densely packed nerves receive the incoming electrical signals. White pixels yield a strong electrical pulse and the electrodes spatially correlate with the pixels, so that if the camera detects light fixtures in the middle of a dark hallway, electrical stimulations will occur along the center of the tongue. Within 15 minutes of using the device, blind people can begin interpreting spatial information. 'At first, I was amazed at what the device could do,' says research director William Seiple. 'One guy started to cry when he saw his first letter.'
There is some indication that the signals from the tongue are processed by the visual cortex. The company developing the BrainPort will submit it to the FDA for approval later this month, and it could be on sale (for around $10,000) by the end of the year.
|Good Question...Except not Really.
Caster Semenya won the 800m at the World Athletics Championship in blistering style, leaving her competitors in the dust, but she has been thrown into the midst of a scandal amidst claims that she's not really a woman. According to the many press reports, she's believed to shave, is flat chested, has a very masculine physique, previously preferred playing physical games with boys, and shunned traditional female activities and clothing. Questions about her gender have dogged her entire career. Previously, acceptance that she is a women relied on simple inspection of female genitals. But now the IAAF claim that they want to conduct further tests to see if 'she may have a rare medical condition that gives her an unfair advantage.' An IAAF spokesmen noted that 'The [testing] process was started after Semenya made her startling breakthroughs — a 25-second improvement at 1500m and eight seconds at 800m, just some weeks ago.' I'm curious what the Slashdot community thinks: what can be considered proof of someone being male or female? Is it simply a case of having the right genitals, or are there other criteria that should be used? Is the IAAF right in claiming that someone should be prevented from competing because they have a rare medical or genetic advantage?
|Just thought this sounded cool.
Solar Roadways, a project to replace over 25,000 square miles of road in the US with solar panels you can drive on, just received $100,000 in funding from the Department of Transportation for the first 12ft-by-12ft prototype panel. Each panel consists of three layers: a base layer with data and power cables running through it, an electronics layer with an array of LEDs, solar collectors and capacitors, and finally the glass road surface. With data and power cables, the solar roadway has the potential to replace some of our aging infrastructure. With only 15% efficiency, 25,000 square miles of solar roadways could produce three times what the US uses annually in energy. The building costs are estimated to be competitive with traditional roads, and the solar roads would heat themselves in the winter to keep snow from accumulating.
Also, my doctor needs to call me. I'm not doing so well and Monday seems a long ways away.
|Sunday, August 23rd, 2009|
|If I get fired, no one should be surprised
It's getting harder and harder for me to hide my scorn of this place from patrons. Lately, they don't even have to ask about how wonderful this building is to set me off. If I sense an opening, I will jump at the chance to tell them how horrible this place actually is and how exactly we wasted their money. I tell the truth, of course, but the truth is frowned upon in this building. But we all make our little protests however we can.
I have a job interview at BW3's this week. It seems like they need a responsible manager for part time, choose your shift work. This seems to me like it will be for someone to make budgets, hires, and schedules. All of which I'm good at, so I might as well listen to the offer.
If anyone wants a damn good book to read, try Hard Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World. Damn good book.
Stoked about the PPV tonight, though it's just going to be me and J. Oh well, long awaited guys night out. Two wild and crazy guys, if you will.
|Monday, August 17th, 2009|
|Oh, if I could remember things, what a world it would be
I was going to spend some of the portion of this work evening on revising the stories that I had Amy and Barrett edit for me, but I forgot them at home in my mad rush to make and eat a sandwich. One of them I'm confident about getting published, and if I do a good amount of scrubbing on the other one it might be worthwhile. Oh, love of food, you have defeated me again!!!
But it's all good. I have a good book to read, and I'm halfway done with the two gigs of comics that Barrett gave me. So when I see her this weekend, I will apparently have two more awesome gigs to geek out over. Cause Starlord...I would have your Starbabies.
The apprehension of having to wait one to two weeks to find out about the job I interviewed for is starting to weigh heavily on my stomache. For while I'm well qualified and work at an associated library, I am not a middle-aged woman like the other four employees. I have a good feeling that if a middle aged woman applies there, she will get the job more on the virtue of her fitting in and less on being better for it than I am. Oh well, I suppose we'll see. Money sucks, but money always sucks.
Gabby's making pizza for when I get home tonight. I am so looking forward to that.
|Sunday, August 16th, 2009|
|Whiny Work Post Ahead
After some soul-searching and medication, the thought of getting my MLS is seeming to be less and less a back-up plan for me and actually a goal towards something that I would enjoy. After working in libraries for (after my upcoming birthday) nearly a decade, I think it's safe to say that I enjoy the work. It's an environment that suits me, and really doesn't feel too much like "work" which is a good thing in the long term. I know the pay will never be good, but none of my job interests will ever have good pay.
This is why it bugs me so damn much to be working with so many people now at Thompson who just don't seem to give a fuck anymore. This is problematic because it is a big library, and at the times where it is busy it can be pretty overwhelming for the one person seemingly trying to do the job for which he was hired. I'm not trying to be Superman or a martyr, but it's frustrating working with four other people and being to only one take any iniative to get anything done, being eager to learn the new functions of the new location, and just trying to make sure that everything that is supposed to get done gets done. There are other who do there job, but due to the new shifts I work I pretty much only see them a couple of days a week. Meaning for the rest of it, it's pretty craptastic here. I feel like I'm doing more than some of the people who are getting paid substantially more than me because I have this thing about doing my job.
And this is just our soft opening!!! What is going to happen to this place in the fall when it's all new people and no one cares? I truly am limited in the number of things I can do at once, especially when I'm not yet cleared for half of them. Things are going to get interesting, that's for sure. And the masses of new workers would dread if I ever got an actual position at the library, because I would have the power and authority to train them properly and to make sure that training sticks. There would be much equal sharing of weight, which just doesn't seem to be the case here anymore. I don't want to make formal complaints, but I might have to start just because it is starting to get that bad around here.
Alright, that's out of my system. It was mostly kicked off by an irritating incident of being told about a joyous function but not being a part of it. Kind of like second grade all over again.
|Saturday, August 15th, 2009|
|An Epic Day
Yesterday was an epic day with with an epic achievement. Amy, Burg, and I watched an entire season of Doctor Who in one setting. It took 13 hours and it got rough at the end, but it was accomplished. Victory for the Horde.
|Monday, August 10th, 2009|
|To my Thompson coworkers
Hey! Molly is passing around the break schedule, and I don't want to work by myself. What hours are you people planning on working so that I may request them?
|Happy Birthday Gabs
First of all, let us all wish a happy birthday to my beloved and beautiful wife. Her dad made the first "you're getting old" joke, so also let us pray for him.
So tomorrow is a day of some importance for me. I have my first job interview in some time, as well as the first one since my recent sojourns to the hospital. Ironically enough, it is at a hospital. The Children's Library at Children's Hospital is hiring, and I seem to be well qualified for the position. The pay is not that much better than I'm making now, but there would be benefits far superior to the nothing I have now. Also, I could still work 16 hour weekends here at Thompson. Since I'd be working with my friends, it wouldn't be that bad, and the extra income would be greatly appreciated since I'm having Amy and Burg look at places in their neck of the woods since it has become intolerable with my current neighbors. Physical violence is very near at hand.
I have to send out my first request to have my loans deferred this month. It shouldn't be an issue considering my crushing poverty. I would like to be at a better position before I start paying an extra $200 per month. I am thankful that I was able to keep my loans at a decent minimum.
Updates on the job as they come.
|Wednesday, August 5th, 2009|
I'm freaking looking forward to my first day off in some time tomorrow. The only downside is I'm out of Paxel, so if my doctor didn't remember to send the pharmacy my refill the day could get interesting and I could spend it playing phone tag instead of reading Shirley Jackson. Guess which I would prefer to do?
I even made sure to get a ton of chores done over the last three days so I can truly relax tomorrow. The most stressful thing that should happen is a quiet dinner party at home with some good friends and good food. And the awesomeness of the Wagner party looming on Friday.
Maybe I'll even partake of a DVD tonight. Who can say? The night will be full of whimsey since I'm off at 10 as opposed to 12.
|Monday, August 3rd, 2009|
|Thompson? More like Sucks-a-Cockson
God, I hate this freaking library. Ackerman 'twas the Valhalla that I will wistfully look back upon before Ragnarok destroyed it in a flurry of needing to look modern. All it means to me is a lot more stupid people coming in with dumb questions and the occassional homeless person shitting in the elevator. Whoopie-Fuck. 107 million dollars and we don't even meet fire code and the roof still leaks. O-H-Fuck-U.
I have finally got my meds, and I think they are finally working. As it turns out, I have a pretty bad case of Ulcerative Colitis, which is unfortunately chronic and I will need to stay on medication more or less permanently to keep it in remission. But, no surgery, which isn't bad. It just means much less caffiene and much less booze. Not that I was huge on the booze in the first place (some notable notes aside) but I have learned my lesson from both of these wonderful and kidney hurting substances.
It has been brought to my attention that I am a pussy for using the Student Safety Services provided by this wonderful institution. Perhaps I will be shamed into not using them one day, but as it stands I can't run and I'm parked three blocks away and I dont' get off work until midnight. Maybe once my concealed carry clears...but I suppose first I'd need to apply and get a gun.
I'm feeling all cultured and shit. I'm in a writing circle and a reading circle now. I guess I should start calling my D&D group the role-playing circle.
|Wednesday, July 15th, 2009|
Ugh. I do not feel well. Though if anything, this prolonged illness has helped me to overcome my fear of needles, as countless have thus far been plunged into me and tomorrow more will do the same.
For you see, loyal friends, I am sick. They don't know with what, but I've started fainting on top of my bleeding and my blood pressure refuses to stablize, fluctuating upwards of 80 points. I spent five days in the hospital and no one could determine anything. No one is sure if the two are connected; one doctor thinks I may have an unrelated heart disease, another says diabetes. Tommorow, hopefully, the lab will figure out what is wrong with me. Two weeks from now, if my medication doesn't kick in, I'll have my colonoscopy, finally.
This is all I can write before succumbing to exhaustion. I'll post what is found.
|Tuesday, June 9th, 2009|
Fingers crossed everyone. I dropped an application for the Ohio Historical Society as a Reference Assistant. The job meets my minimal salary requirements, is basically a government job so it has good benefits, and I easily meet or exceed all of the requirements. I'm running out of time, so hopefully this will work out.
|Thursday, May 28th, 2009|
I'm thinking about calling my doctor again and seeing if we can get anything pushed forward. I carried six empty bins up the hall today at work and almost passed out, quite literally, when I got back with them. Usually I can carry 2-3 full bins, depending on the weight of the books. I'm getting weaker with less and less stamina as time goes on, and it's starting to worry me because I had to sit for twenty minutes before I could stand without my legs shaking.
|Monday, May 25th, 2009|
I think I'm at an emotional rock bottom right now. I'm really not feeling anything. Gabby's laptop broke this morning and our basement has about two inches of standing water, and all I could manage was a fiddle-dee-dee. No anger, no sadness, no bitterness. Just a hollow feeling in my chest. I've been having that feeling as the day goes on. I'm going through the emotional motions, smiling when I should and all that, but I just feel dead inside. I think once things resolve one way or the other, I'll snap out of it because being in limbo is worse than resolution, because neither one is bad. I'm really flattered that John would invite my family into his home. There are a lot of things that are going to happen by Friday one way or the other, and I think I'll be shut down until then. No offense to anyone if I don't seem there or if you don't have my attention. I'm just in emotional limbo as it were. It beats another breakdown, at least, though it's killing my ability to focus on anything for more than twenty minutes.
|Tuesday, May 12th, 2009|
So I didn't get the Franklin job, which means that I basically have no more prospects up here in Columbus. I have floating apps, but nothing else has even contacted me for an interview. I'm basically up shit creek and there is no paddle in sight.
|Sunday, May 10th, 2009|
Well, I went to the hospital, finally, to ask about all these things going wrong with me. The heart and vision problems are all stress related, no big surprise. But they're not sure what's going on with my internal bleeding, despite of the half a days worth of tests they did to me. There are basically three options.
1. It's stress related, though this is somewhat unlikely because the trauma would have shown up on the CAT scans.
2. It's bacterial. I'll be making an appointment on Monday to start testing on that to see what's up.
3. It's cancer. This is the most remote possibility, but enough of one that I go in for testing if nothing shows up on bacterial.
So, if it is stress, we'll soon know because I'll be getting worse because I'm stressed out over cancer. Whee!
Still don't have a job, but I filled out a goodly number of applications this last week and hopefully I'll get some more nibbles.
|Wednesday, May 6th, 2009|
Things still haven't gone anywhere with anything, and I'm out a decent amount of money because my tires finally needed replacing today. This setback pretty much guarentees that we won't be going to Lakeside with Gabby's family, and probably won't be able for afford Dragoncon this year, unless I get the Franklin or equivalent job fairly soon. I'm having my second interview at Game Crazy on Friday, but that's just a placeholder job. I am terrified that it will turn into something more than a placholder job, though, considering how few other places I've even heard back from.
Also debating whether or not to go to the hospital. I'm having some pretty intense internal bleeding, but I don't think it's at frequent enough intervals to warrent the trip; maybe 2-3 times a week, closer to 2. It's just that after it happens, I sometimes freak out. It's probably all stress related, anyway, so not much could be done.
Anywho, sorry I've more or less dissappeared from most contact. I'm at a really low point right now and don't have much inclination to do much except hope things get better and that I can keep a roof over my families head.
I may be down in Dayton next weekend-I'll post something more definative when I hear back from my mom.
|Wednesday, April 29th, 2009|
Things have been stressful as of late, and I'm just trying to roll with them as much as I can. I've been having chest pains and blurred vision and have wondered if I should see someone about it, but figure that would just be over-reacting. One way or the other, things will have to calm down soon.
Still don't have a real job. I call Franklin about the position there on Friday if I don't hear from them tomorrow, so I guess fairly soon that issue will be resolved. I have an interview for shift supervisor at a Game Crazy-not a real job, but a hold over job I can live with until I find something else. But those have been it thus far. The issues with my upstairs neighbor has escalated to the point of all of us meeting with the landlords to discuss the issues, which have gotten to the point of her lying about things we've done, such as hit her car. I think we may be able to get them to pay for carpet, which should solve most of the problems we have; we'll see what happens. She's a fucking bitch, though, who doesn't know when to stop or how to act like an adult and I am quite happy that she has a medical condition that ensures that her life is painful and her death will come at a very young age. Sometimes these things just work out, I suppose. I guess it will allow her to inconvienence us one more time if an ambulance blocks my car in. She apparently already died once, so maybe she's the undead; makes some sense.
Started a diet, which has been going alright. Trying to shave off some pounds while my appetite is already suppressed due to anger and stress -bile and spite are all the nourishment that I need.
We got the papers to make an appointment to start Jacob in speech therapy today. That should be fun. I still have to call the gas company about $160 they owe me, Sprint for the $60 they owe me, Jake's dermatologist's nurse about if he got an appointment made, and the Studio J people since they're not responding to my e-mails and I'd like to get Jake back in his music classes.